Posts tagged understand

Are you a good listener? How do you know?

Jan 13th

Posted by Judy in Influence

2 comments

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Are you a good listener? Whether you think you are or not – how would you know?

It’s slightly alarming to realise that if you’re NOT a good listener, you probably won’t be aware of that fact!

As James Borg points out in his bestselling book Persuasion, it’s one of those things that people are often criticised for – but behind their backs.

Think about it – would you try to tell someone he was a poor listener? And would he listen?

Here’s an experiment. Offer to listen to someone – a good friend or family member, perhaps – for two minutes, as they talk about something that’s important to them.

Your job is to keep them talking, without speaking. If they stop talking, stay silent and wait for them to start again.

You can nod or make encouraging sounds, but:

  • DON’T ask any questions
  • DON”T offer your opinion
  • DON”T start telling your story of when something similar happened to you…
  • In short, DON’T interrupt!

Now set your phone’s stopwatch (really!) and do the listening!

Then ask your “listenee” how they found the experience.

For many people, it’s the More >

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How to probe more effectively

Dec 2nd

Posted by Judy in Listening

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If your job involves any kind of interviewing, I’m sure you’ve felt the frustration. “Just give me the facts!”

I’ve been there many times – for many years as a news journalist, and then later as an executive, as an entrepreneur, as a marketer…

Wherever you work with people, that need to get through to hard information arises regularly. And getting to it easily and elegantly takes a lot more skill than many people suspect.

My five top tips for probing more effectively:

  1. Listen! Pay full attention to the whole of what the person is saying, and ignore the distractions of your own thoughts as far as possible.
  2. Stay connected with them. When you are listening and they know you’re listening, that’s a whole lot easier.
  3. Be curious about both the person, and the information they have. Both are unique – and valuable.
  4. Understand that most people, most of the time, don’t know what they know! The nuggets of information are there and it’s your job to find them.
  5. Questions are your toolkit, so choose them with care.  Grab a workman’s shovel for fine detailed work, or a surgeon’s scalpel for vigorous digging, and you’ll make everyone’s life harder than it needs to be.

Check out some of my More >

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Quotes about listening

Aug 26th

Posted by Judy in Listening

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“A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.” Wilson Mizner

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.” Dr Joyce Brothers

“Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening … when you’d have preferred to talk.” D.J. Kaufman

“To listen closely and reply well is the highest perfection we are able to attain in the art of conversation.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.” Frank Tyger

“You learn when you listen. You earn when you listen—not just money, but respect.” Harvey Mackay

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” Ralph Nichols

“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.” Franklin P. Jones

“One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider a problem, can change our whole outlook on the world.” Dr. E. H. Mayo

“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided More >

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