Posts tagged smile

Taking control

Dec 1st

Posted by Judy in Clean Language

1 comment

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Do you want to control people’s emotions in a conversation? It’s something I find I want to do regularly.

  • When I’m out networking or socialising, I want to make people happier so that we all enjoy ourselves
  • When I’m training a group, I want to fill the room with fun and laughter so that people learn effectively
  • When I’m shopping, I want the staff to feel friendly and helpful towards me so as to find what I need
  • If someone’s angry with me, I want to calm them enough to at least find out why (and to keep myself safe)
  • When I’m selling my services, I want my potential customer to feel bad about the problem I can solve – and good about the prospect of solving it together.

When you’re trying to surprise your friend, seduce your partner, or convince your boss, aren’t you seeking to control emotions?

In saying “control emotions”, I don’t mean that I think emotions are in any way bad or inappropriate. I’m a big advocate of feeling feelings!

It does mean that I’m seeking to recognise More >

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The listener’s expression matters

Aug 26th

Posted by Judy in Listening

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Recent research has confirmed what great listeners have always known – the way the a listener behaves makes a huge difference to the quality of information they receive from the speaker.

The British Psychological Society reports on a study which demonstrated this experimentally. A group of students watch a short film and then described it to a listener. Half the listeners had a ‘positive’ attitude – smiling, nodding and maintaining an open body position – while the others frowned and didn’t smile.

Speakers reporting to a positive listener used more abstractions, describing aspects of the film that couldn’t be seen, such as a character’s thoughts and emotions, and also included more of their own opinions. The kind of information, in fact, that brings any piece of research to life!

“Consider what this means,” researcher Camiel Beukeboom said. “By merely smiling or frowning a listener could influence how a speaker reports information and how it is subsequently remembered, and possibly passed on. In, for instance, witness interrogations, job interviews, politics, or psychotherapy, a simple smile or frown could potentially have a large impact.”

  • Beukeboom, C. (2009). ‘When words feel right: How affective expressions of listeners change a speaker’s language use.’ European Journal of Social Psychology, 39 (5), 747-756 More >
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