Posts tagged question

How to manipulate people’s emotions

Feb 4th

Posted by Judy in Clean Language

21 comments

You can manipulate another person’s emotions in any conversation – and you should!

What’s more, you probably already do.

This article describes one of the most powerful ways to manipulate people’s emotions. Read on to find out more.

Apparently, that’s a provocative claim: I came in for a lot of stick for it when I launched my Intelligent Influence course late last year. But if you’re not controlling the emotions in a conversation, and you think it’s wrong for someone else to do so… then what happens?

By the way, I’m not suggesting that it’s in any way wrong to feel or express emotions.  Nor am I proposing that you go around “being evil”.

What I am suggesting is that it’s wise to become increasingly aware of how what you say and do influences the people with whom you interact.

One of the most powerful ways to manipulate someone’s attention is to ask them a question. Inevitably, your question guides their attention to some aspect of their experience – it makes them think of something.

Whether they answer your question out loud, or just think about their answer, makes no difference. You have manipulated their attention to a particular “something”.

Of course, a lot of “somethings” have very little emotion More >

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The 2 Lazy Jedi questions and the NLP Meta Model

Nov 15th

Posted by Judy in Clean Language

No comments

Welcome! If you're interested in how people think, click to get The X-Ray Listener's Quick Guide To Metaphor and unlock a new perspective on the mind... for free.

If you’re familiar with NLP before you encounter the 2 Lazy Jedi questions (which are based on David Grove’s Clean Language) you might wonder about the relationship between these questions and an NLP questioning system, the Meta Model.

The two systems are similar in a couple of ways: that they are questioning systems, for example, and that they can be used to clarify what someone really means by what they say. They frequently help the person discover things they hadn’t previously realised about their own thinking. The questioner uses the person’s own words in their questions. And John Grinder’s newer version of the Meta Model contains just two questions, too!

However, there are significant differences. These are the ones I’ve noticed so far – please comment with your ideas.

Compared to the original NLP Meta Model, the 2 Lazy Jedi questions are:

  • Easier to learn. Just two very simple questions, in ordinary English. The Meta Model can easily take all day to introduce.
  • More flexible. These two questions can be applied in almost any situation – you don’t need to More >
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intelligentinfluence

Why use the 2 Lazy Jedi questions?

Nov 12th

Posted by Judy in Clean Language

9 comments

Want to easily, ethically and intelligently influence any human being – in any area of your life? That’s what you’ll be learning in Intelligent Influence – and the 2 Lazy Jedi questions are at the heart of the approach.

These questions help you to find out what someone really thinks and feels – while inherently developing and deepening the relationship between you.

And one of the best things about them is that they work in text messages, emails, even on the phone, as well as in face-to-face interactions.

Here’s how some people have used them:

  • At least one young man routinely uses them when dating – he finds they help him discover things about the girls he meets that even they didn’t know about themselves
  • A business analyst claimed that the well-timed use of these questions in a workshop saved a €34.8m project from disaster, when he discovered that the two banks driving the project had differing understandings of a key requirement
  • A mother used them to bring herself quickly and discreetly up to speed on her teenager’s new hobby – without revealing her ignorance of the subject
  • A team of market researchers use them to discover what customers really think and feel about various products
  • A computer consultant uses them More >
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Listening Tip: Use their language

Aug 26th

Posted by Judy in Listening

No comments

People’s words are important to them. Even when we speak the same language, there are differences in the way we use words – professional groups have their own jargon, young people have their fashionable phrases and so on. In fact, once you explore the detail, each person uses language in a unique way, and the words they choose have a specific meaning for them.

When you use their own words back to them, they tend to feel respected, acknowledged and understood. This approach can help to build rapport, and liberates their thinking so that they have greater cognitive resources available for the issue in hand.

Using a person’s own words in your question shows that you have really been listening to them. So don’t paraphrase, ‘parrot-phrase’!

You could just repeat a few of the person’s words in a curious tone, encouraging them to elaborate on the point they have just made. Or you might choose to direct their attention to something specific by asking a ‘Clean Language’ question.

These questions are designed to incorporate the person’s words. For example, you might ask: “What kind of X is that?” where X represents a word or phrase they have used.

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