minds, metaphors and (ethical) manipulation
Posts tagged listening
Confused? Grab a great metaphor
Jan 19th
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I blogged recently about the power of compelling metaphor to act directly on our emotional centres – to tug at our heartstrings and twist at our guts.
I quoted Martin Luther King, a master of the art, as he borrowed from Shakespeare and others in an inspiring passage:
We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood — it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, “Too late.”
And I pointed out that the fact metaphors act directly on the emotions, often bypassing the rational More >
How to become a Chief Listening Officer
Feb 5th
Organisations are slowly waking up to the need to increase listening at all levels. The big question is not whether to do so, but how.
In a recent article in Forbes magazine went straight to the heart of the issue. John Ryan wrote: “We need to be the chief listening officers in our organizations – every day. That’s not an easy task, since listening can be a great struggle for even the best intentioned among us. It is, however, something we can improve at with effort, and frankly we don’t have much choice.”
He quotes the advice of Michael Hoppe, a retired faculty member at the Center for Creative Leadership advice for better listening:
1. Pay attention. Turn off your BlackBerry. Maintain eye contact. Nod to show you understand. Otherwise the conversation is dead before it starts.
1. Pay attention. Turn off your BlackBerry. Maintain eye contact. Nod to show you understand. Otherwise the conversation is dead before it starts. 2. Suspend judgment. Hold your criticisms, and let others explain how they view a situation. You don’t need to agree; just show some empathy. 3. Reflect. Periodically recap others’ points to confirm your understanding. Often it turns out you missed something. 4. Clarify. Ask More >Do consulting skills really matter in IT?
Jan 27th
Effective consulting skills are in real demand across the IT sector. In a series of meetings I’ve had with IT directors recently, it’s become increasingly clear to me that the successful 2010 “geek” is increasingly aware of the need to deliver real business value by solving “people problems” as well as technical challenges, and is repositioning himself accordingly.
Managers and recruiters are increasingly seeking evidence that applicants can: • Communicate effectively, orally and in writing • Work effectively with groups and teams • Collaborate to solve problems and develop solutions • Ask questions that go beyond the obvious • Take a broad business perspective • Build and manage relationships with clients, users, and colleagues.
As Eric Lundquist wrote in eWeek, introducing research into the top skills IT managers look for in new hires: “Turns out the hours you spent becoming an AJAX expert don’t count for nearly as much as being able to show you have a sense of ethics, can communicate in person instead of on Twitter, and can work with a group of people.”
So, how to improve your consulting skills? Particularly in the IT sector, it seems to be assumed that you’ll just pick them up along the way, and More >
What’s the point?
Nov 24th
I was teaching X-Ray Listening to a group of consultants the other day. It’s always a fantastic experience: I love the look on people’s faces as they have various realisations, and discover exciting new things about themselves and their colleagues.
There’s a great energy as people play and practice. At first, listening may be a struggle for them. The atmosphere is edgy and nervous, with complaints that the room is too crowded, and that it’s difficult to hear your partner over other voices.
But by the end of the day, the magic takes over. It’s as if each listener-listenee pair is in its own, invisible bubble, engaged and entranced.
The listener is gripped by their curiosity as they explore their partner’s unconscious mind. The person being listened to becomes fascinated by their own thoughts as they emerge, twinkling, into the light.
It’s ‘rapport’, but not as most people know it. There’s a real intimacy, a meeting of minds. It’s a special, almost sacred state.
What if everyone knew how to listen like this? What if we could really connect easily with family, friends, colleagues and customers? Really understand what people were thinking and feeling?
That’s what X-Ray Listening does. It’s a set of deceptively simple techniques to achieve this More >
Listening at your best
Aug 29th
One of the best ways to improve your listening is to have a clear goal – to know the state you’re aiming for. Listening well (like most other things) is different for every individual. So take a few moments now to get familiar with what listening well is like for you.
Think of a time when you were listening at your very best. For you, that was like… what? Perhaps there was a powerful connection between you and the person you were listening to; perhaps the outside world ‘disappeared’ or ‘went quiet’; perhaps it was as if the two of you were in a bubble. Your experience may be similar to these suggestions or very different – whatever is true for you is the correct answer.
Now ask yourself a few of Clean Language questions about your answer. These are questions which have ‘slots’ in them for you to insert your own words. The most common Clean Language questions are:
- What kind of X (is that X)?
- Is there anything else about that/X?
For example, if it was as if you were in a bubble, you might ask:
- What kind of bubble is that?
- Is there anything else about that bubble?
These questions will help you to become More >
