Posted by Judy in Listening
Welcome! If you're interested in how people think, click to get The X-Ray Listener's Quick Guide To Metaphor and unlock a new perspective on the mind... for free.
Why can’t people just say what they mean? Ambiguity and confusion, resulting in wasted effort, frayed tempers, and increased costs, are common in all business environments.
Misunderstandings can be bad enough when you’re face-to-face with colleagues – but the problem gets even worse when technological, linguistic and cultural communication barriers are added to the mix.
If you have a sense that everyone you talk to has a different understanding of the crucial definitions or terms on your project – you’re right!
Language is a wonderfully flexible tool. But its very flexibility leads to problems: everyone thinks they’re like Humpty Dumpty, and can use words to mean whatever they choose them to mean!
For example, if you ask two people to think of a tree, then check the details of the tree they thought of, you’ll discover that no two people’s trees are ever exactly the same. It’s not that one is right and one is wrong – it’s just that they are different.
And the more novel or complex the topic, the greater the
More >
Posted by Judy in Listening
One of the best things about listening is the pleasure it brings – both to the person being listened to, and to the listener.
There’s a real joy for me in eliciting new information: information that my interviewee didn’t know they knew. People are absolutely fascinating, once you get beyond the everyday conversational niceties and discussions about the weather.
Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, puts it well:”When I worked for a search firm, someone asked me how I could bear to interview people all day. It was as if this person felt that interviews with job candidates couldn’t be interesting, that somehow they must be all alike. The question astounded me. I almost always lost myself in those interviews.”
Susan goes on to describe her experience of a ‘typical’ candidate. “He is a delightful human being who raises basil as a hobby, makes incredible pesto. I don’t remember what colour his eyes are, but I do know that he has an eye for detail, incredible organizational skills, and a wonderfully wry sense of humour. I think he’d be successful with several of our clients.”
If you’re ever bored when you’re interviewing someone, it’s time to upgrade your questioning and listening skills!
And then there’s More >
Posted by Judy in Listening
One of the best ways to improve your listening is to have a clear goal – to know the state you’re aiming for. Listening well (like most other things) is different for every individual. So take a few moments now to get familiar with what listening well is like for you.
Think of a time when you were listening at your very best. For you, that was like… what? Perhaps there was a powerful connection between you and the person you were listening to; perhaps the outside world ‘disappeared’ or ‘went quiet’; perhaps it was as if the two of you were in a bubble. Your experience may be similar to these suggestions or very different – whatever is true for you is the correct answer.
Now ask yourself a few of Clean Language questions about your answer. These are questions which have ‘slots’ in them for you to insert your own words. The most common Clean Language questions are:
- What kind of X (is that X)?
- Is there anything else about that/X?
For example, if it was as if you were in a bubble, you might ask:
- What kind of bubble is that?
- Is there anything else about that bubble?
These questions will help you to become More >
Posted by Judy in Listening
People’s words are important to them. Even when we speak the same language, there are differences in the way we use words – professional groups have their own jargon, young people have their fashionable phrases and so on. In fact, once you explore the detail, each person uses language in a unique way, and the words they choose have a specific meaning for them.
When you use their own words back to them, they tend to feel respected, acknowledged and understood. This approach can help to build rapport, and liberates their thinking so that they have greater cognitive resources available for the issue in hand.
Using a person’s own words in your question shows that you have really been listening to them. So don’t paraphrase, ‘parrot-phrase’!
You could just repeat a few of the person’s words in a curious tone, encouraging them to elaborate on the point they have just made. Or you might choose to direct their attention to something specific by asking a ‘Clean Language’ question.
These questions are designed to incorporate the person’s words. For example, you might ask: “What kind of X is that?” where X represents a word or phrase they have used.
Quieten the voice inside
Sep 1st
Posted by Judy in Clean Language
No comments
What distracts you from listening fully to another person? For many people, it’s the ‘voice inside’ – their own internal commentator.
This voice may be distracting for all kinds of reasons – it might be offering useful-sounding suggestions, putting forward opinions, criticising, or even talking about something completely different, such as “what’s for supper?” But whatever it’s saying, it’s competing for your attention with the person you’re supposed to be listening to.
Here are some approaches that different people have found useful in this situation:
Why not try one or more of these and see which have the greatest impact for you?
(For more listening tips, check out Judy Rees’s book Clean More >