minds, metaphors and (ethical) manipulation
Archive for April, 2010
Manage negative people with just one question
Apr 19th
Tired of hearing people moan and complain? Overwhelmed by negativity? Then do something different! There is an easy way to switch someone’s attention away from all the grimness of life and towards the positive, to the aspects of life that they like and want more of.
People’s problems seem to have a special magnetism. We discuss them, analyse them, pull them apart, talk about them, write about them… and very rarely solve them.
To actually change things, we need to know what’s wanted, stated in positive terms. We need “a system that does A, B and C” not “a solution to problem Z”. We can’t place an order for “a kitchen that isn’t annoying”. And imagine going to the supermarket with a list of all the things you don’t want to eat!
Interestingly, switching someone’s attention to the positive is relatively simple. But it took the genius of David Grove, creator of Clean Language, to come up with a formula which works in almost all circumstances.
It requires some rapport between you and the person who’s complaining, and it does require you to have listened to the complaint sufficiently to acknowledge it, repeating it back in the person’s own words.
Then, simply ask: “And when <their More >
Talking about listening – is anyone listening?
Apr 6th
Today I discovered Tom Peters’ great YouTube video on the importance of listening:
And it set me thinking. Tom Peters is a very major name in the business world. He’s saying it very clearly: “The single most significant strategic strength that an organisation can have is… a commitment to strategic listening.”
So why does it seem as if nobody is listening to the truth about listening?
My research of recent weeks and months suggests that most people think they are already listening well. They don’t realise they are just like the doctors who interrupt after an average of 18 seconds. The poor listener is always somebody else they know!
Most people have not experienced effective listening. They don’t know what effective listening looks, sounds or feels like – whether as the speaker or the listener.
Most people have not been trained to listen. And of the few who have had some training, a proportion will have been told that “active listening” involves continuous evaluation of what the person says – so they are too busy concentrating on their own opinions to hear anything at all.
People are afraid that listening means giving up control of the conversation, and handing the floor to someone else. They More >
